Dear Warner Brothers Head Honchos,

I will be hunting you down and shooting you in the head right directly for casting Heath Ledger as the Joker in the next Bat flick and ruining the only chance at redemption the franchise has.

Now might be a good time for you to flee the country.

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Dear jerkoid preppy jock boys at the library,

Stop hitting on me and go get hit by a bus. It's not hard. Just wander into traffic. It'll happen.

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Dear Mel Gibson Supporters/Haters who are ALL OVER THE NEWS,

Shut up already, no one cares, least of all me. I still don't know what it is he did...all I hear are the words 'Mel Gibson SCANDAL!' everywhere I go.

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Dear Frost,

Miss you dreadfully. Have no one to pester with comic books and all around geekery now that you're gone. Hope your mother will let you come back up here sooner than when you turn eighteen. Two and a half years is a long time to wait.

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Dear Frost's mother who needs to die now please,

If I find out you touched Frost again I'll hunt you the fuck down and beat your abusive alcoholic head into paste on the pavement. I don't fucking care if I have to flap my arms and fly down south to do it. I will. You so much as look at her the wrong way, I'll slap you with a fire truck before I run you down with it.

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Dear Disney studios,

Consider the hit on you called off now that there's a new 2-D animated flick in the works. If it sucks, consider the hit back on. This is your one chance to redeem yourself and give 2-D animation the come back it so righteously deserves...PLEASE don't blow it.

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Dear plagiarist,

It's been three days, the suspense is killing me. Write me back or take down the story already.

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Dear Darius,

You're crazy. Coming from me that's saying something. Stop STALKING me.

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Dear fifteen year old self,

We're not switching career paths at this late date. Stop pestering me about it.

Ok, ok...maybe. -grumble-

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Dear evil SGA plot bunnies,

Back off. I need sleep at least once every few weeks.

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Dear equally evil Harry Potter plot bunnies,

COME BAAAACK! The fans are rioting without an update!

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Dear Troma film studios,

Hire me. I'll lick Lloyd Kaufman's shoes if that's what it takes.

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Dear David Hewlett,

I can't think straight after seeing a clip of you in 'Desire And Hell At Sunset Motel' on youtube. [link]

I demand you stop being so cute.

NOW.

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Dear David Duchovany,

You actually look relatively good in this new movie I keep hearing about and seeing trailers of, unlike the last season of the X-Files. Call Chris Carter and get on his ass about writing the next movie before you get all bloated and un-boyishly-handsome again. STRIKE WHILST THE IRON IS HOT!

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Dear Gillian Anderson,

Stop trying to be blonde. Just...stop. It's embarrassing.
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Dear Bruce Campbell,

You have made me insanely and unhealthily happy with your latest site update. Thank you, I shall be squeeing for days. All is right with the world now that you're in post production.

Sincerly and forever snarkily yours,

~(*)~Techie~(*)~